It’s a Saturday afternoon in late May. Scott Bee is in his kitchen installing a new under cabinet lighting system. It’s not going well. Scattered across the worktop is an array of workman’s tools and components; 20 yards of white electrical cabling, a pair of snippers, 6 high energy bulbs, a small screwdriver, and a varied selection of screws. A YouTube video is playing on Scott’s i-pad. All that is missing is the workman to put it all together.
The only positive note for Scott is that his housemate Ron McTierney is not there to pass judgement. Ron left the house at 11:30am to buy that day’s newspaper, that was 3 hours ago. Scott assumes that Ron has mistaken the pub for the local newsagent.
Ordinarily Scott is good at DIY, a set of shelves he installed 4 years ago remain in place on the other side of the kitchen. But today his efforts have been hampered by his IKEA delivery not coming with the obligatory instruction manual.
Scott would have conceded defeat two hours ago, but the salutary farewell from Ron as he left the house, “A few lights, how hard can that be?” continues to ring in his ears.
“Bloody damn, difficult!” is Scott’s answer at this point in time.
Thus far Scott has unpacked the box, set out all the contents, spent 20 minutes searching for the instruction manual; spent a further 15 minutes listening to non-descript organ music when trying to get through to IKEA customer service on the phone; spent an hour disconnecting the mains electricity and has marked out where he wants the new lights to sit. But there is no new light in the kitchen. In desperation he has found a generic self-help video which claims to offer 3 easy steps to installing new lights.
Then he heard the sound he was dreading; Ron turning his key in the front door and stomping towards the kitchen.
“Not finished yet?”
“No.”
“Why has such a simple task has taken you over 3 hours when any idiot could do it in 45 minutes max?”
“Well, there’s never an idiot around when you need one.”
Ron picks his way around the debris in the kitchen and picks up the box. “Stotta! What does that mean? Why does it have such a ridiculous name?”
“It’s Swedish.”
“Yes but I’m not!”
Scott sighs heavily, but Ron is on a roll.
“Of course, once you’ve done all this, we won’t be able to see what we’re doing in here.”
“Subdued lighting creates a calm and relaxed atmosphere; it reduces stress and uses energy efficient lights so it’s good for the environment too.”
“Is that so?”
“And a bit like you, it comes with a dimmable system.”
Ron smiles to acknowledge the riposte, “When it’s going to be finished?”
“Not sure. I might have bitten off more than I can chew. There’s no instruction manual and I’m struggling to understand this video.”
“Looks like we’re eating in the pub tonight.”
“Rather than writing this off, you could help.”
Ron stands in the middle of the kitchen absorbing Scott’s request. Then he nods and walks out, only to return two minutes later, but without his earlier gusto.
“I was here on Thursday afternoon when the delivery man dropped off your new toy. This was taped to the side of the box but was hanging off - so he gave it to me.”
Ron throws the missing manual on the table. “This might help.”
Today’s musical accompaniment is Stevie Wonder’s eighteenth album, Songs in the Key of Life from 1976 and in particular the haunting opening track Love’s in Need of Love Today. The album includes recollections of his childhood, of first love and lost love and is his most acclaimed album winning four Grammys. A masterpiece.
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